How to get rid of shyness – 5 useful tips
Wikipedia’s definition of shyness is:
Shyness (also called diffidence) is the feeling of apprehension, lack of comfort, or awkwardness especially when a person is around other people. This commonly occurs in new situations or with unfamiliar people. Shyness can be a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. Stronger forms of shyness are usually referred to as social anxiety or social phobia. The primary defining characteristic of shyness is a largely ego-driven fear of what other people will think of a person’s behavior. This results in a person becoming scared of doing or saying what they want to out of fear of negative reactions, being laughed at, humiliated or patronized, criticism or rejection. A shy person may simply opt to avoid social situations instead.
In seduction, shyness can hinder you in trying to reach a goal.
For example, you might see a person you like, and instead of acting, get stuck thinking about what might happen if you would go to talk to that person.
If we want to improve, we must be able to face small challenges every day.
For this purpose, I decided to give you 5 tips on how to get rid of shyness.
Why is it important to learn to control shyness?
As previously defined, shyness is in a sense the fear of other people’s judgment.
We don’t want the others to categorize us as losers, in case we fail in a certain task.
In this way, we get stuck before we even try, and we keep thinking about what would happen if we act.
The feeling of not acting, avoiding failure, analyzed afterward makes us feel good and convinces us that we have done the right thing.
If I act and fail, people judge me a loser;
If I don’t act, I can’t go wrong, so people don’t judge me.
What if I told you it’s not like that?
People don’t judge us (only) for what we do, sometimes they judge us even just for our clothes, other times they don’t even notice our presence.
If you act and fail, you’ve probably made a mistake.
If you don’t act, you have the mathematical certainty of not making a mistake, but also the mathematical certainty of not getting the result you want.
We cannot escape people’s judgment, we can only influence it.
The moment we stop worrying about people’s judgment, we gain security and feel freer.
This sense of freedom makes us feel good and allows us to face new challenges.
1) Set achievable goals
A goal within everyone’s reach could be to use social media, such as Facebook for example, to chat with someone you don’t know or know superficially.
This first step can allow you to exit in small steps from your Comfort Zone, but not speaking face to face with the person, some factors that normally could make you uncomfortable are lacking.
When you notice that chatting with new people no longer makes you uncomfortable, you can move on to the next step.
2) Why are you shy?
Try to understand where your shyness comes from, it could help you overcome it.
It is not always easy to rationally explain something that is not so rational, but looking for an explanation can help you face your shyness.
Rationalizing the problem could lead you to overcome it. Think about it, you don’t know why you are shy, but you certainly were not born shy, something along the way led you to become shy. What is that thing that influenced your mind to interpret the judgment of others in such an important way?
If you look in the mirror, you are no longer the person you were when that circumstance occurred, then you can react differently from that time.
3) They are not looking at you!
If you are shy, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking:
“the surrounding people are looking at me (all) and judging (negatively)”.
The truth is, they’re probably not thinking about you.
As far as you know, they may be thinking about what they will eat for dinner.
If somebody observes you and you feel uncomfortable, it is mainly because you usually avoid being the center of attention. But are you sure that the attention of the surrounding people is right on you?
Note one thing: are you shy when it comes to talking to a stranger and there are other people around you, or are you even when there is no one else? Probably the presence of other people amplifies shyness, but it is not the only cause.
4) Don’t avoid all social situations
… even if they make you feel nervous and uncomfortable.
Every time you face them, you will become more ready and prepared to face them again and better. The more often you leave your Comfort Zone, the more you will get used to new situations until you become indifferent to the situations that previously created you great discomfort.
If the idea of being less shy wasn’t enough, imagine what your life would be like if you had never been shy:
How many more people would you know?
In relationships, how much easier would you have found the right person for you?
Your interventions in-office meetings would have made your superiors identify you as a leader and a person who deserves a promotion.
5) Practice your social skills
Communication skills are useful in most situations in life (love, friendship, work, school ..). Read something online about social skills (eye contact, tone of voice, make requests/compliments/criticisms, etc.) and test yourself with friends and acquaintances.
More often you will do the things that put you in difficulty and the sooner you will get used to them and above all to use your new skills better and at the right time.
As Tony Robbins says: “Repetition is the mother of skills”. If you want to get rid of shyness, you should daily practice your social skills.
I hope my advice on how to get rid of shyness will come in handy and help you become a better person.
If you liked this article I invite you to share it via social media with your friends.
I would also like to read how your life has improved following these tips and it will be a pleasure to answer any questions you may have.